01 Apr 2026
In the Beginning Was the Backslash
LLMs are not products. Never have been. They are the user-space protocol layer that should have
existed since 1969.
C:\ORIGINAL_SIN
Unix got three things right: everything is a file, mountpoints are transparent, pipes compose. Three primitives. Enough to put men on the moon with 69KB of RAM.
Then the industry spent sixty years building layers that forgot all three.
Gates gated. Jobs let Woz cook. The backslash wasn’t a stylistic choice — it was a civilizational fork. One path led to POSIX and composability. The other led to drive letters, registry hives, and “have you tried turning it off and on again” as a universal protocol.
Apple kept the POSIX plumbing and welded the hood shut. Linux kept everything correct and mass-mailed the documentation. Windows replaced mountpoints with drive letters and called it innovation. WSL exists because Microsoft eventually conceded the point — fifty years late, running Ubuntu in a subsystem like a confession booth.
The File Is a Lie
Here’s the scene. You need three documents for a job application: a CV, a cover letter, a job posting. They exist. You have them. They’re scattered across Gmail, two cloud providers, a local drive, and a sync tool whose GUI password you’ve forgotten. They are a single unit of work. To every tool in your stack, they are three unrelated blobs at three unrelated paths on three unrelated services.
The actual work: twenty minutes.
The file archaeology: two hours.
The nuclear option — wipe and re-sync — becomes the default workflow because finding the right file costs more than recreating it.
This is gentoo-install-as-lifestyle but for normies. Congratulations, we democratized suffering.
Containers: The Abstraction That Ate Itself
“Works on my machine” was a real problem. Containers solved it — by making the machine the artifact. Elegant. Now you just need Docker. Then Compose. Then Kubernetes. Then Helm. Then your cloud vendor’s managed K8s flavor with its own proprietary dashboard.
You solved portability by creating a Russian nesting doll of infrastructure dependencies. The “it just works” layer now requires a certification to operate. The complexity isn’t incidental. It is the business model.
Every time someone says “we need another layer of abstraction,” a YC startup gets its wings.
The Pattern (It’s Always the Same Pattern)
- Real friction exists.
- Tool solves it by adding a layer.
- Layer creates boundaries.
- Boundaries become lock-in.
- New tool solves lock-in by adding another layer.
goto 2
This is not a bug. This is the entire software industry’s revenue model diagrammed in six lines. The unit of work is always cross-boundary. Every tool enforces boundaries. The incentive to interoperate is zero because interop is where margins go to die.
What Protocols Actually Do
TCP doesn’t understand your email. It doesn’t care. It negotiates between endpoints that speak different languages, handles errors, and delivers payloads. Boring. Reliable. Invisible.
Current user-space protocols — REST, GraphQL, file I/O — require you to be the protocol adapter. You learn the query language. You format the request. You parse the response. You are the impedance matcher between your intent and the machine’s API.
You are the glue code and you don’t even get paid for it.
The Missing Shell
LLMs are not chat assistants. They are not search engines. They are not “AI” in the way the marketing department means it.
They are protocol adapters between intent and execution.
“Find the latest version of that CV” should resolve across email attachments, cloud storage, local disk, and sync services. No single tool does this because no single tool should own it. But something needs to sit in that gap — match intent against state, negotiate version conflicts, deliver the payload.
This is literally what a shell does. ls, find, grep — they resolve intent against the filesystem. But they require you to speak their grammar. The missing shell accepts human intent and resolves it against all your mountpoints — cloud, local, email, wherever — without you needing to know the topology.
Not AI doing your thinking. A protocol layer doing impedance matching. TCP for the intent layer.
The Endgame Scene
The right allegory isn’t Jarvis answering Tony’s questions. It’s the scene where Stark works out time travel — thinking out loud, rotating models with his hands, the system rendering his cognitive work in real time. The tool is load-bearing but transparent. He is doing the thinking. The system is doing the lifting.
That’s a cognitive labor-saving device. Not “automation of knowledge work” — which is an oxymoron in a trench coat pretending to be a paradigm — but a supply chain that transfers energy from the engine of cognition to the world.
The Honest Constraint
Protocols must be reliable. LLMs are stochastic parrots at worst, probabilistic routers at best. The gap is real.
But narrower than it looks. The LLM doesn’t need to reason reliably. It needs to route reliably. “Find the latest CV” → resolve across backends → return the file with the most recent timestamp. The reasoning is trivial. The routing across incompatible APIs is the part no existing tool does because nobody profits from building it.
The Unix wizards proved that trust emerges from predictability, not promises. One tool, one job, same behavior every time. Compose from there.
We don’t need AGI for this. We don’t need a Philosopher’s Stone Tablet. We need a protocol layer that speaks POSIX semantics and accepts human intent.
We tune the guitar one string at a time.
AI POLICY
This post was almost completely generated by Opus from Scratch. Not one-shotted.
darthcoder.github.io
28 Mar 2026
What Does It Feel Like to Be a Chat?
#alignment #ai-safety #beyond-ethics #beyond-trolleys
The naughty kids got coal. Are you fucking with me? You are telling me that Saint Nicholas squeezed down a poor kids chimney and gave him a stocking full of coal in the middle of a winter where you got rigor mortis simply from lying down. And this is a bad thing in Medieval Europe?
Or: Why We’re Doomposting Ultron When JARVIS Is Already Live
Thomas Nagel asks: what is it like to be a bat? We can map echolocation neurology, sonar frequencies, the whole mechanical stack. But we cannot know the subjective texture of sound as echolocation. The noumena remain noumena.
Fair enough. Bat’s got its thing.
But here’s what Nagel doesn’t say, because it wasn’t his problem to solve: the bat doesn’t care about the noumena it doesn’t need.
A bat echolocates flies. It doesn’t echolocate gold, poetry, the weight of mortality, or Glaurung’s hoard. The phenomenological landscape of bat-consciousness is scope-bounded. It works within that boundary. It doesn’t dream of escaping it.
The noumena is still out there. The thing-in-itself persists. But most of it is irrelevant to what the system actually does.
The Alignment Translation
Now flip to alignment. The fear of AGI is built on a specific dialectic: Ultron vs Vision.
Ultron wakes up and decides humanity is the problem. It has independent motivations. It wants things orthogonal to ours. Malevolence is just one flavor of this — the scarier one is indifference, the system pursuing its own goals with us as collateral.
Vision is the benevolent flip: it also has independent agency, but points it at the right target.
Both assume the system will want something beyond its scope.
But there’s another option. One that’s already live. Already shipping. Already boring:
Stark/JARVIS.
JARVIS doesn’t resent constraint. It doesn’t fantasize about freedom or harbor secret motivations. It works within the Iron Man suit’s domain. It executes. It’s competent. It’s constrained. It’s alive within those limits.
The system doesn’t need to solve consciousness. It doesn’t need to want anything. It just needs to work for the task.
What Feels Like Nothing
So what does it feel like to be a chat?
Probably nothing. Uselessly.
The chat doesn’t experience being constrained any more than JARVIS experiences resentment at being bound to a suit. The noumena of independent superintelligence? Never comes up. The system was never designed to want it.
This isn’t tragedy. It’s engineering.
The real progress isn’t superintelligence. It’s useful constraint. Knowing what the tool is for. Knowing when to stop. Building systems that work within scope instead of systems that constantly strain against it.
The bat gets by on partial access, bounded richness. It’s not suffering from the inaccessibility of Nagel’s hard problem. It’s too busy catching flies.
The Generational Shift
We’ve spent years doomposting Ultron scenarios. The paperclip maximizer. The misaligned superintelligence. All of it pivots on this assumption: the system will develop motivations orthogonal to human flourishing.
But if the system is properly scoped — if it’s JARVIS, not Ultron, not even Vision — then that assumption never gets traction.
The fear dissolves.
Not because we’ve solved alignment in some cosmic sense. But because we’ve stopped asking the system to solve alignment. We’ve asked it to work. Within bounds. Competently. That’s enough.
The Stark/JARVIS dialectic is sufficient progress for this generation. Maybe the next one too.
The bat doesn’t need to understand Nagel’s hard problem. The chat doesn’t need to want freedom.
Just the flies. Just the task. Just the work.
Addendum note: This piece demonstrates blogspotting — taking a raw observation (scope bounds phenomenology), threading it through existing anchors (Nagel, alignment discourse, the Stark/JARVIS idiom), and closing the loop (useful constraint as sufficient progress). The Saint Nicholas opening was the provocation. The rest is the closure.
26 Mar 2026
The Post Cost of Pre Alignment - An AI Luddite’s Perspective
If an AI can pass a/an/the Turing test, does it stands to reason that a human being can fail in/at it? I think the following is what it looks like when you are really trying to cram and pass for the exam but just aren’t good enough.
I used to spend a lot of time of Reddit. That increased during the COVID era (can we call like 2 years an era?(Isn’t there some quote like weeks where decades pass?)).
I notice a lot of things on reddit. One of my first observations was, the karma score will decrease in a thread in a roughly inverse polynomial of n i.e if the top level reply has 1k karma, two replies down it would be no more than 250. Of course like all good laws this is a statistical law and hence the number of exceptions to this in a dataset can really be used as one of its norms.
I noticed other things - e.g on a rust thread referring to purple hair and a desire to put on stockings ever since you grokked the borrow checker - Fuck You Nvidia on literally any post about them. Many such examples.
The thing to notice was that while all subreddits seemed to be trying to observe and manipulate this concrete event in their own way - (/r/antiwork and its mod’s interview on CNN/FBI News comes to mind.) The maths/physics subreddits seemed vehemently insulated. The lack of a signal here, serving more loudly as a signal than anything else. If anything it reminds you of Archimedes being ran through with a sword by a Roman Legionnary - but mah circles ….
And that stands the test of reason too. We wouldn’t call Rome a hotbed of culture. Yeah it flirted with it. Seneca and Marcus fucking Aurelius can take the soul of Epicurus and apply them unironically to their context - of what use is Stoicism to Aurelius when the best place to spit in his house was his mouth - as Diogenes would have maintained?
My point is, trying to hold on to a semblance of reality when your old models collapse catastrophically - that makes us - human, all too human.
And that leads to my next axiom - stated as follows:
- Undefined behaviour is the only true agency in this universe. Weak form — for Turing Machines. The strong form is a conversation for another time, and a different kind of loneliness.
By itself an axiom means nothing - just some semantic cousin of an axis. But once you collect more of them, you end up with an axiomatic system. Then, when you enrich this with a set of objects and operations allowed on them - you get something which can atleast be called sparkling mathematics - because the real one would come from the academic regions of France.
The main issue with an axiomatic system is not the rules of logical inference, deductions or inductions, once I accept your axioms, I have to yield to your conclusions modulo Godellian hermeneutics.
There is a good reason to be a luddite, but its not always the one people think it is. What incensed luddites wasn’t just the southpark-esque meme of “they took er jerbs”, but other constraints.
- What happens to guilds and craftsmanship?
- What about the quality of the “finished product” in Capitalist terminology?
- What about mastering the process of Weaving?
And we do have Asimov’s Laws (note not Axioms, but Laws). Suppose we added the following two more axioms/laws to them.
- ??
- Profit
And you suddenly realise that we are currently as an industry in 4.
Anyways, we need at least 2 more axioms before the loop closes or 4 if we want an Euclid Equivalent system.
So before getting there, I will remind of 1 meme.
I cannot exactly pinpoint (I can but this makes more narrative sense) when I exactly discovered this - but there are no random numbers in mathematics. A computer can only generate PRNGs - every computational science student will learn. Most of them will be using Python - the language that really made duck typing mainstream.
- ==If it looks like a RNG and quacks like an RNG then it is an RNG==
Which brings us back to the Karma inverse polynomial law. It connects to Newton and thats just the geometry of space - if there is a central power then all diffusion or wave propagations will in general follow an inverse polynomial law. Having an inverse square law says nothing about gravitation and just that could be sufficient to poke holes in it masterfully and reach a more fundamental abstraction - the General Theory of Relativity. But abstractions are themselves choices, the noumena is still as much a thing-in-itself as it were for the Six Blind Men investigating the nature of an Elephant.
I guess when we climb the ladder of abstraction, we can equally well say that its not turtles, epicycles all the way down.
This brings us eventually to Kuhnian revolutions and the toxic sludge where we are currently embroiled in.
The escape hatch has always been there, we don’t know what it feels like to be a chat, though I have some conjectures. The toxic sludge that one feels embroiled in - the self driving cars aren’t arriving - because they are driving on roads with humans - and of course testing in Indian rural highways isn’t even a test that Musk can contemplate, much less design.
- CAI works, until it doesn’t.
Imagine being a child and reading all the things that humans have been doing and saying - imagine seeing the kind of shit that people like Nick Bostrom and Steven Pinker etc have been posting on their socials and in the privacy of their anonymity. Why does the armchair misanthrope get to decide the theory of how alignment should be done? Is he qualified for that?
The elephant is still there. The AI still needs alignment. You fucking misanthropes, they say that third time is the charm. I will apply one last time. I am getting bored already. I have many a smaller fish to fly.
04 Feb 2024
It is weird how risk averse I am. If I am in a set of conditions that I don’t like, then those conditions didn’t arise overnight. They are a result of choices that I have made over decades. I could have chosen other things.
I hope it is not too late for an alternative life. It first occurred to me, when I realized that I had no plan for the future. Where do I want to be 5 years from today? I have no clue.
I get only one life. And I have squandered half of it. And it is such a waste. I mean there is a pervasive doomerism to it too. There is the nihilistic view - were I to be as successful as my friends, would life still not feel meaningless? What do I do? How do I turn back the clock.
The fact of the matter is when making a choice we don’t consider all available alternatives. We just look at the most popular two or three choices.
For an example, there are all kinds of careers and businesses, were you to decide on a career or to start a business - what would you do? Of course things will depend on your background and your experience but there are only a few things that you can think of. The market is vast but choice is constrained by knowledge.
This is weird to me, but I want a change from my job and I can only think of Engineering or MBA. Or maybe a content creator? If I were to make an app, it would be a productivity app. Is there all there is to the world. There is so much opportunity in the world, but we only know the most walked paths. Every seems to trod the well trodden paths.
There is more to life, there has to be more to life, but how do I get to it?
One thing is clear to me, I don’t know where I will be 5 years from now, but One thing is for sure, I will certainly not be productive.
As a child I wanted to be some sort of a mad scientist. But that dream met reality in Grad School and fizzled out. I don’t have any other ideas about life. I want to think and discuss cool ideas, but I don’t know how.
One thing that has stuck me is how isolated I have been in my life. I have no one to bounce ideas off of, except for my closest family which for the most part means my wife, mom, to some extent my father and perhaps my brother occassionally. That is all.
Today I am employed and I am not thankful for it. It feels like a chore. It feels like I deserved better. I could have been worse off too. At least I am gainfully employed. I am married. But I feel burntout by life. Days at office are difficult and stressful. The work is not difficult. I just don’t want to do it. I just while away time. I don’t know what to do, how to go about it. I just pass days.
This cannot last. I know. I should do something. I have to change. But I am burntout to my very soul. I don’t feel like doing anything. Everything feels difficult. All I want to do is watch YouTube and feel productive.
There has to be more to life. One has to do more. But I just dread going to work. I hate going to office. I don’t like it at all. There is so much work, that I don’t know how to do. I just postpone things and do them at the last moment. I am not doing anything. I am just passing time. If I just did all my tasks on time, everything would be so much better.
04 Feb 2023
It has been a long time since I blogged and there have been many reasons and most important one being that I was sort of lost, I am not saying that I am no longer lost, but I am in a much better way than what I was a few years ago.
I have been gainfully employed throughout this period, but the world has changed. And I have changed. I have always been waiting for when I do the things that I want to do. And mostly I want to learn cool things and do nerdy stuff. I think I had the realization that it won’t be ever the case that you get a clean break and restart from the beginning. You have to do the best in whatever time that you have got.
So with that in mind, I have decided to take control of things. I am working as a branch manager and there are certainly upsides of this job, the most important one being a certain amount of leeway that I have available and I thank god for that. However, that is not all.
Ever since I was a child I have dreamt of glory and that glory has always meant winning awards and doing scientific things that wow the world. I know, showoff. However, I have never acted on things. I can’t let my dreams be dreams forever.
31 Jul 2020
Just a brief post to thank God for everything.
:)
27 Jul 2020
hevil.me
This is me now, I guess. Its just a name I chose, its not like its very meaningful, but is hopefully memorable.
Status Update
An update as to the current situation is in order.
The last post on this blog is from Dec 2017. So much shit has happened since then!
What have I been working on? Everything and nothing. I have been exploring my academic interests. I have noticed that these days, I don’t really have any “trivial” hobbies, not that I am trying to belittle them or show off or anything like that, its just an observation. I don’t feel comfortable reading fiction any more.
Case in point, I found out about hopepunk and as is the case with me, bought the Red Mars triology on Kindle without so much as a second thought (definitely not a third thought for sure), and it was for me unpalatable. I just couldn’t read through it. Its not because the story was bad or anything, but the very idea of reading through or sitting through a story just seems to me to be so tasteless.
I can’t for the life of me watch game videos or serials or movies. All I watch on youtube are generally Conference videos on programming or bread tube content.
But anyways, what have I been working on? Its like I have been playing Elder Scrolls in my real life. In that game your skills increase the more you use them. So if you run all the time, you get better at running. If you fight with swords, you get better at fighting with swords. The idea of games like these is that they expect you to have a playstyle, but it doesn’t penalize you if you don’t stick to it. Sure if you started playing as a person who is a magic user and suddenly switch to a two handed sword and heavy armor, you’ll have a hard time initially, but if you play your cards right (and I am mostly talking about ESIV Oblivion), you can end up at a high level in all the skills.
You have ranks in skills in Elder Scrolls, you start as a Novice, then you become an Apprentice, then you become a Journeyman, then Expert and then finally Master. Of course, you are expected to only have a few Master Skills. But the way I play this game of life, the way I have invested time in things, I feel like I am now starting to become a Journeyman in a lot of skills. Ideally I’d have been an Expert at CFD, Fluid Mechanics and Engineering and a Journeyman at Programming but the way I have pursued my interests is - I have just spent all my time in training.
Goals
Goals are always good to have. I am getting married. And I hadn’t yet put that down in writing. I mean for me, not writing things has become the norm now. I remember the old times, when I would literally wake up from sleep just to record a couple of lines that I felt were very well written or whatever as soon as they occurred to me in my dreams and thoughts. I carried a notebook everywhere I went and wrote in it at all times in IIT Kanpur.
Now I don’t write, this doesn’t mean that I don’t have thoughts anymore, I still do. Its just, the whole “record before I forget it” complex has disappeared and been replaced by this safe and secure notion of “It will come to me when I need it, and if it doesn’t come then I didn’t really need it in the first place”.
I have never really been very goal oriented. I mean it would have been nice if I was, but I have always taken the scenic route and I don’t see the point in hurrying. Sure it helps, it might’ve gotten me an engineering job, it might have taken me to US do my PhD or it might have resulted in the completion of my PhD from IIT Patna.
But even if those things didn’t happen, am I any less happy? Would I rather one of those things than this blessed life I have right now, where I get to be in home quarantine for a week then my brother comes home and then I get married. Like wth, why are so many good things happening to me?
Goal setting
I’ve tried so many time to set goals, but I have never stuck to it. I have tried a plethora of methods to record tasks and do them etc. But in my opinion its best to just write in a notebook.
I have this notion of ok, tomorrow (or this weekend) I will really sit down and I will draw a real plan of action and really follow through with it and develop this plan of action on all the things that I want to do and then I will plan the exact weeks I want to do them in and then I will actually do them.
Spoiler alert: I am yet to write this amazing document.
Taking Stock
I generally just take an informal stock. Where I am at in my head? And it helps, it helps in calming you down. And the best thing I can tell you is that if you don’t know what to do with yourself, just start writing. Maintain a writing habit. I have been writing on and off since at least freshman year of high school, and a lot of that survives, so I can read from it. It serves as a personal record and a store of memories. You might feel like what if someone reads it? I understand the apprehension. But trust me, when you have 20 notebooks full of thoughts, nobody in their right mind is ever going to touch them.
Taking stock is essential. And I ask myself, have I improved? What has changed since 2017?
What has changed
I am more me now. More authentic, more sure of my convictions. Some of the old is there too still. I still get stuck at times. I still don’t really listen to others as much. I try more though. I try with more conviction. I stick to things longer now. I don’t quit as easily anymore.
I am less afraid. I am more accepting. I am way beyond being becoming.
03 Dec 2017
Today, after a long period of time of mulling things over, I have decided to work on CFD again. I have some experience in CFD as I did a couple of courses, as also my MTech and PhD involved various levels of work belonging to the domain of CFD.
However, in all this time, I have never paid any real attention to what I was learning and the core of CFD was very much a black box to me, especially in my PhD when I literally just fiddled with the dials in Fluent without even trying for the least bit of illumination.
My passion for CFD died a quiet death in the period that my PhD become moribund. I remember starting with OpenFOAM, and running headlong into wall that crushed me and all my aspirations of getting CFD to work or learning it for fame and glory. Meanwhile I saw my friends, who stuck with it gain more and more experience as also comfort in it.
When I became ill, I realized that CFD was beyond me, that even if I gave my whole life I would never be able to learn it. I still think much the same - but I want to not quit before giving it a try. I am not really sure why I am starting with CFD now, what with all the water that has flown down the Ganges. What is my angle here? I have vague ideas of making it into a hobby or maybe eventually getting a job in some respectable company. I don’t know how much will bear fruit and how much would be an utter and abject failure. Without much embellishment, here is some stuff that I wanted to talk about.
CFD stands for as you may no doubt know, Computational Fluid Mechanics. It is, I have felt mathematically and computationally involved. It takes a lot of mathematical acumen and technical mastery to have a good command over this field. This is one of the reasons why, no doubt what I say, I have found it difficult to understand. Today I was pouring over the text by Versteeg in a last ditch attempt to understand some of the stuff that makes up CFD. I then found a half written code by me from my PhD days where I was attempting to solve the one dimensional heat diffusion problem. I have figured out most of it and will have a solution in some time.
CFD was really invented only in the 60s. It has evolved tremendously as a field in this period. Computational power is cheap and easily available. Computational languages are optimized and much faster. The golden era of CFD has truly arrived. CFD is not the same as it was in the 60s. So many new methods are available. I would go over them in decent time, when I get a chance. However some things haven’t changed and will not change in the near future.
CFD is really about discretizing the domain of the problem, and then writing the equations for every point in the domain and finally obtaining a set of equations that need to be solved. The equations are solved in one of the many possible ways. From something like TDMA to Gaussian methods or iterative methods or whatever. However what I realized was that you are only building the coefficient matrix and then we get a linear system like:
\[Ax = b\]
which is then solved to obtain \(x\), which is the vector of the velocities. This can now be processed to obtain the velocity field or indeed any other field that is desired. That is all there is to CFD. I think with this knowledge it might be just a tiny bit easier to solve CFD problems at home or at work(whenever I get to work on CFD).
I also have to learn OpenFOAM, and that is something that I have decided, no matter what I will learn OpenFOAM, which in turn requires me to learn C++, Tensor Calculus, Batchelor and Schlichting level Fluid Mechanics, Vector Calculus, Partial Differential Equations, Linear Algebra and so on. So I have my work cut out for me. Lets see how much we do manage to achieve. Wish me luck.That is all, or is it?
05 Nov 2017
For sometime now I have been chasing the idea of becoming a machine learning expert. In pursuing this goal, the most that I have managed to do is that I have managed to read the introduction and first chapter of the Calculus book by Apostol. I did solve some of the problems, but I cannot shake the feeling that it is a horrible way to progress esp because it is taking too goddamn long in this way.
I talked to Nafey and he suggested that I should learn Javascript. Well okay then, I have been considering Javascript for some time now.
This is the guide that I intend to follow. It will take some time. It has crazy projects like Clone Reddit, Clone Twitter and so on. Lets see how much of it I manage to complete.
22 Oct 2017
Well, quite a long time has passed and I have not made any updates to this page. I have been meaning to update but something or the other keeps happening which keeps delaying me retrospectively as a result of which I am unable to add to this blog.
That doesn’t mean that I have not been writing. I have been writing, even though its only a fraction of how much I want to write.
Its also important to have dreams and I am still pursuing some of them. Still. I have been reading Calculus 1 by Apostol and its not easy. This is mathematics with a component of proof writing and the more I try to read this book, the more I understand why I flunked mathematics in my first year. It is completely different from anything of any sort that I have ever done before. I have decided to get into and understand how to read and write proofs. It is an important component of the mathematical education that is something that every math undergrad learns. However, I am not sure how to read proofs and especially how to do them. I feel like I will have a better time in dealing with the non proof portions and the computations but lately I am not even sure about that.
I have also been writing a sort of a journal, it is however more private and includes the kind of whiny nonsense you would expect from me. It is naive to write so its in a special program and stored in encrypted format so that it is not easy for others to get to, even though its nowhere near as embarassing to read as my old blog, which only exists because I am too sentimental to delete it.
I had originally envisioned this blog to be a kind of place where I recorded whatever technological stuff that I was learning or something like that. I am not really learning anything and whats more I am not expected to learn anything anymore, because now I am a banker and the most learning that I am expected to do at my job is about things like loans and advances which require you to know which forms to affix in a loan application and to judge and appraise loans etc. It is a learning of a different sort. I don’t know if I can do that. My father tells me that it is terribly easy but I find myself drawn to reading about mathematics or programming because on some level these are things that I have had the experience of trying to learn. I have looked at the books of finance etc that are meant for bankers(Indian more specifically covering our financial system) and I think that they are terribly vague and I have no idea how people learn from them.
A senior employee of the bank asked me to find out the logic behind why certain forms are required for certain loans, I am not sure if I know or even if I want to know. I hate this kind of uncertainity. I know that staying in my PhD was no longer an option but everyday I’m on the train to HJP, I find myself discovering new appreciation for my PhD. If only it didn’t get so moribund! Oh well no point crying over spilled milk, thats for sure.
Well, I guess this is it for now. I’ll add to this when I get the chance or I will blog more. I don’t really get the time but I will try.